Why the Best Leaders on Your Team Are Often Running on Empty with Michelle Drake

Welcome back to another episode of the unSeminary podcast. Today we’re joined by Michelle Drake, a Christian health coach, Pilates instructor, and host of the Health Habits for Christian Moms podcast. After overcoming years of eating disorders, perfectionism, and an unhealthy relationship with food and exercise, Michelle now helps Christian moms pursue health from a place of stewardship rather than striving. In this conversation, she offers a compassionate and practical perspective on creating healthier rhythms for women in ministry. The invisible weight moms carry. // Michelle explains that one of the greatest challenges for working moms is the constant “mental load” they carry. Beyond their ministry responsibilities, they’re managing family schedules, meals, appointments, school decisions, friendships, finances, household responsibilities, and countless unseen details. Many simultaneously wrestle with guilt, feeling they’re never doing enough at home or at work. While they often appear highly capable, many are quietly carrying an exhausting emotional burden that supervisors rarely see. When health becomes another burden. // Modern culture often frames health through pressure, perfection, and appearance. Instead of becoming a source of strength, health can become one more impossible standard moms feel they must achieve. Michelle describes how many women believe they must exercise perfectly, prepare flawless meals, and meet unrealistic expectations, or they shouldn’t bother trying at all. This “all-or-nothing” mindset creates shame rather than freedom and often pushes healthy habits further out of reach. Create a culture of rest. // One of the greatest gifts church leaders can offer their teams is permission to embrace rhythms of rest. Michelle points to Jesus’ invitation in Matthew 11:28–30, reminding leaders that rest isn’t a distraction from ministry. Rather, it is part of faithful ministry. Churches that consistently model healthy rhythms help staff understand that their worth isn’t tied to constant productivity. When leaders prioritize abiding in Christ over endless activity, they create healthier teams capable of sustaining long-term ministry. Recognize the warning signs. // Burnout rarely appears overnight. Michelle encourages leaders to watch for subtle changes in previously engaged team members: withdrawing from conversations, reduced enthusiasm, difficulty making decisions, unusual forgetfulness, or becoming overwhelmed by tasks they normally handled with ease. These outward behaviors often reflect burdens that have been accumulating beneath the surface for months. Rather than immediately trying to solve the problem, leaders should view these moments as invitations for compassionate conversation. Movement supports more than physical health. // As a Pilates instructor, Michelle sees firsthand how exercise isn’t simply about fitness—it helps people release accumulated stress, become present, and create space for clarity. Setting aside time for movement also communicates something important: “I matter too.” For busy moms who spend much of their lives caring for others, intentional physical activity becomes an act of stewardship rather than selfishness, allowing them to show up with greater energy for their families and ministries. Start with listening, not fixing. // Michelle believes the most practical step leaders can take is surprisingly simple: have intentional conversations. Rather than assuming they know what someone needs, supervisors should ask questions like, “What’s taking the most energy from you in this season?” Then simply listen. Many moms don’t need immediate solutions as much as they need to feel seen, understood, and supported. Relational leadership builds trust long before organizational changes become necessary. Small habits create lasting change. // Through her Health Habits for Christian Moms podcast, Michelle encourages women to reject perfectionism and instead build simple, sustainable habits that fit their current season of life. Whether it’s preparing healthy meals in practical ways, fitting in ten-minute workouts, or reframing health through a biblical lens, the focus is always on consistency over intensity. To learn more about Michelle Drake visit michelledrake.co and listen to her Health Habits for Christian Moms podcast. Thank You for Tuning In! There are a lot of podcasts you could be tuning into today, but you chose unSeminary, and I’m grateful for that. If you enjoyed today’s show, please share it by using the social media buttons you see at the left hand side of this page. Also, kindly consider taking the 60-seconds it takes to leave an honest review and rating for the podcast on iTunes, they’re extremely helpful when it comes to the ranking of the show and you can bet that I read every single one of them personally! Thank You to This Episode’s Sponsor: Intulse If you’re committed to the growth of your church, make sure your communication systems are set up so nobody feels left behind. When your church is smaller, that comes easy. You know people by name. A guest doesn’t get lost in the shuffle—someone follows up, every guest, every time. But growth can change that—unless your systems grow with you. Perhaps this church using Intulse says it best: “Intulse has revolutionized the way we communicate with people, giving us the ability to make a big church feel small because of that personal connection.” The Intulse app gives your team members a working church number, so anyone can call or text without ever handing out a personal number. Every conversation syncs straight into your ChMS, like Planning Center, so your whole staff stays on the same page—no matter who a person talks to. That’s how you keep every person feeling known, no matter how big your church gets. Want to know if your communication systems are ready for growth? Download Intulse’s free guide, “10 Communication Blind Spots That Hinder Church Growth,” at Intulse.com/unseminary. And if any of those blind spots hit home for you, schedule a call with one of their church communication specialists to learn how Intulse can help. Episode Transcript Rich Birch — Hey friends, welcome to the unSeminary podcast. So glad that you have decided to tune in. Listen, if you’re an executive pastor, senior leader, person that’s like over leading people in your church, you’re going to want to tune into today’s episode. You’re going to want to stay connected all the way to the end because I suspect that today’s thing that we’re talking about, you’ve either reflected on and thought, hmm, that’s something that I’ve got to work on. We’ve got to think through as an organization. Or we’re going to name an issue today that I think you should work on and be thinking about. So whether you think it or you should just want to listen to me you should tune in and be a part of this conversation.Rich Birch — I’m excited to have a new friend of mine, Michelle Drake, on the on the phone on the phone. We’re not on phones, on the internet, on the not even on the internet, on the podcast. Michelle and I attend the same church, Connexus Church, and have a mutual friend and made the connection. And we got talking, got to know each other. And I said, hey, Michelle, I got to get you on the podcast. I want I want people to hear from you and learn from you. Rich Birch — So Michelle, why don’t we start with kind of tell us a little of your background. What do you do? Who are you? Tell us a little bit about yourself.Michelle Drake — So hi, I’m Michelle. I am a mom. I am a Pilates instructor. But most importantly, I am a daughter of the king. I am a Jesus lover, follower. And really, I think that why I’m landing here today is because I spent a lot of my life feeling like I was never enough. I was a perfectionist really early on. I was always trying to prove my worth. And, you know throughout my teenage years, I really used food and exercise as a way to cope and gain control over my life. And that quickly spiraled into multiple eating disorders and that I battled. And I was in and out of the hospital throughout my whole teenage life, basically.Rich Birch — Wow. Michelle Drake — So yeah, so it was really chaos. So that’s kind of the foundation of like ah the where I have where I am at now. Rich Birch — Yep. Michelle Drake — You know, so even like I went to university when I went to university, I was like trying to go to the furthest university way to run away from my problems, but of course they followed me there. Rich Birch — Right. Michelle Drake — And instead of things getting better, unfortunately, they spiraled more, more extreme. I kind of swung to the opposite extreme. So where I once was like overly controlled with like food and exercise, I lost control completely. And so, you know, where I had once been like super underweight and ended up the hospital with severe eating disorders, I was like now gaining a ton of weight. Like I wasn’t moving, I wasn’t going to class. It was just super chaotic.Rich Birch — Wow.Michelle Drake — So eventually I started to you know do some inner work and found some spiritual practices. And I even back back in the day, like in my mid-20s, I started a coaching practice because I had found some freedom, a little bit of freedom in like my food and exercise journey. But I was still very much in my own process. And I also didn’t know Jesus at the time. Michelle Drake — But then im met Jesus And everything changed. And, um you know, within six months, six months, I was married. And then two years later, I had my first daughter, Daisy. And it was really becoming a mom that really brought everything into focus in a new way for my health in particular.Michelle Drake — So I chose to have an unmedicated home birth. And I had this very like ideal, ideal picture. Rich Birch — Right.Michelle Drake — Idealized, I guess, kind of vision of like what I wanted it to be. So I really wanted to be like peaceful with worship music and, the sense of like calm and control. And of course, like it was absolutely nothing like that. It was beautiful, but I realized like I actually wasn’t in control of anything. And it was really intense and it was super primal and it was just far beyond anything that I was prepared for. Michelle Drake — And but that was a really beautiful moment for me because somewhere like in within that process, I hit this point of like surrender. Like, okay, I can’t actually do anything here. I just have to like let go and let my body do this work. And so, yeah, I I realized that there was really nothing I could do to control what was happening. I just had to trust my body.Michelle Drake — And it really struck me that this was my body doing something that I could not will my way through, but that it was really designed for. And, you know, it carried me through something that I could not do on my own.Michelle Drake — And so that that experience, it shifted something in me. It made me realize, and this is a piece that I was missing, is that my body isn’t something to control or to punish, but really it’s something that God designed as a vessel. And it’s really how we become, you know, his hands and feet in the world.Michelle Drake — And so, you know, after that point, I became like after birth and realizing like, okay, my body is designed as a vessel. Like it’s it’s actually God’s. So at that point, I became I began to bring more like intentionality into the way that I cared for my body.Rich Birch — That’s cool.Michelle Drake — And not from a place of obsession, but a place of stewardship. Yeah.Rich Birch — That’s pretty cool.Michelle Drake — Yeah. And so, you know, the result of that is feeling like the best that I’ve ever felt, more confident in the way that I take care of myself. And and actually that allows me to become more outward focused because, you know, my habits are sustaining my health in a way that supports how I can show up for my family.Michelle Drake — And so, yeah, I just feel like, you know, I I feel the sense of God inviting me into something that I can like share my story to help other moms, you know, step into that same place of stewardship, like free from that shame or guilt. Rich Birch — So good. Michelle Drake — So yeah, that’s kind of, a sorry, that’s like a lot.Rich Birch — No, no, it’s wonderful. Don’t apologize. That’s fantastic. I think that’s that’s great. Like the thing, um friends that listening in, obviously we talk to church leaders every week and trying to provide help. And, you know, I’m honored that you would take some time to be with us today for a couple of reasons. Rich Birch — First of all, um you know when a allow we have a lot of executive pastors listening. And if I was to go and speak at a conference of executive pastors, maybe there’s 500 leaders in the room and 15 of them would be women. And they’re, unfortunately, in the minority.Rich Birch — And then when I think about there’s like a thing I’m going to name publicly that I don’t think I’ve ever said publicly in whatever, 800, over 800 episodes. Like there’s I know on the staff teams that I’ve led that when I think about the people that I led, it was the moms that are like amazing leaders. They’re just incredible, like doing so much. And it’s like a secret hack. Find them a mom and they’ll get stuff done because they they have to.Michelle Drake — Yes. Yes.Rich Birch — And so today, I’m honored that you would help us kind of think help us think more critically on behalf of the moms on our teams and to think through you know, what we, you know, some, maybe some ways we should be leading. That’s the kind of conversation that we’re going to have here, friends that are listening in.Michelle Drake — Yes. Totally.Rich Birch — So when you think of the, you know, Christian moms… Michelle Drake — Yeah. Rich Birch — …you know, assuming that they’re Christians who are working for us on our teams as staff at church, which that should be the case.Michelle Drake — Hopefully.Rich Birch — What are some pressures that these people are carrying around them that especially as they’re you know, as their leaders, employers, that we maybe don’t see, that isn’t isn’t clear, that maybe isn’t on the surface? Because I look at moms and I’m like, those people are superheroes. They’re getting tons done. But what are some of those pressures that they might not see?Michelle Drake — Yeah. I think that, you know, mental load is a huge thing for moms. You know, and depending on like what season of life that they’re actually in with their families and children, you know, they’re thinking about like scheduling appointments and like socializing their kids and, you know, how they even like want to educate their children. That’s a big conversation, like the Christian kind of sphere. Rich Birch — Yeah, 100%. Michelle Drake — And then, you know, also what’s for dinner and doing laundry and organizing their homes and making time for friends and, you know, getting the kids and all these different activities and like, everything else that doesn’t really to a huge degree include themselves.Michelle Drake — And, you know, oh ah then if we’re talking about women in ministry um and leaders on on ministry teams and they’re working outside the home. And then maybe that there’s this sense of guilt for like working outside the home and then, you know, not being home enough or not being at work enough or, you know, not contributing enough in the household or not contributing enough at work. Rich Birch — Right.Michelle Drake — And so like there’s there’s this tension of like, I feel like there’s this tension of moms um of like they’re doing so much and at the same time feeling like they’re still not doing enough. And so, you know, yeah, I just think like, and then and then also in the in this sphere of health, as it kind of falls to the back burner because they have all this going on in their heads of like… Rich Birch — Other things happening. Yeah. Michelle Drake — …all of these things is like, okay, well, and then there’s also this thing of like exercise and like eating healthy and how do I feed my kids healthy and how do I eat healthy and how do I feel good and exercise and look this certain way and, you know, it just a lot. Rich Birch — Yeah, 100%. Michelle Drake — So these are some of the mental things that moms are carrying. Rich Birch — Yeah, just a few of the things that are that are bubbling around. Michelle Drake — Just a few of the things. Yeah. Yeah. Rich Birch — You know, it feels it feels like as a guy watching messaging that is pointed at moms particularly, women generally, but moms particularly, there’s like so much on the health front that… Michelle Drake — Yes. Rich Birch — …that runs pressure, you know, guilt, perfection. Michelle Drake — Totally. Rich Birch — It’s like tapping and and a negative emotion. Help us understand what does that do to someone over time? How does that, how does that impact the people on our teams? Michelle Drake — Well, yes, I think that and definitely the culture, there’s like a lot of cultural messaging around health. For moms that’s rooted in like pressure and guilt and perfection. And over time, you know, instead of like health being a thing that is like supporting your life, it actually becomes something that like drains you. And I know because that’s like, you know, the exact kind of messaging that pulled me into the extremes and the extreme patterns in my own life. Michelle Drake — And so, so much of what the world offers is really centered on either like aesthetics, like how you look or and this like hyper vigilan